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Mind body connection..
I never believed in it until my father passed away. I held in all the pain I was feeling till it affected me physically and I suffered the most excrutiating back pain I've ever felt in my life, and I'm a fortunate person who never gets headaches, cramps, backpain, nothin, until that happened.

Now the last month or so I've been having heart problems. I consulted my good friend Keith who's had nothing but heart problems since birth. My symptoms? Well since September I've had 3 episodes where I feel dizzy and heart starts beating like a drumroll. This only lasts for a few minutes then it goes away. Aside from that mess, over the last 4-6 weeks I've had sporatic heart palpitations, my heart skips a beat, does a double beat, it's all over the place.

At first Keith can't explain the palpations, but that my drumroll episodes sound like an anxiety attack. I think that's crazy. So I go to a doctor and go through the works, EKG, blood work and everything turns out fine. Fucking great $300 later >:o(

Now here's where it gets psychological. After hearing my tests are fine, Keith diagnoses the whole thing in 15 minutes flat. That guy should be a friggin doctor...

He says it's stress, I say who cares, everyone has stress. Now what has changed in the last 4-6 weeks he asks?? I realize only one thing, Dickbag and I started talking again. I won't get into his personal business but a close family member is ill, an unreversable ill. Something I went through with the passing of my father, which *lightbulb* is the only time my stress has affected me physically. I can deal with my own pain but to have someone I love hurting just kills me, it breaks my heart to know he's going through something horrible that I went through.

I figure how can I be stressing over Dickbags relative who I've met only once? That's where genius Keith digs deeper. He says my anxiety comes from worrying about Dickbag, what he's going through, and what's probably happening is because it's a situation I've been through, it's indirectly bringing out old stress related to my father which again, was the only time my emotions affected me physically.


Maybe I'm just completely crazy and have a strange heart condition that can not be detected physically nor explained psychologically...

Keiths advice? Put my energy into the things I can change. There's nothing I can do for dickbag except let him know I'm there for him. Emotionally it was breaking my heart and now to an extent it's happening physically too so I need to chill the fuck out. Easier said than done...


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