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I'd give u everything I've got for a little piece of mind...
Wow could it be a positive journal entry, I never thought I'd see the day..

It actually comes under rather random sad circumstances though, go figure.

I've been having anxiety about dickbag coming out here for the show in 2 weeks. Well I just found out today there were health problems in his family, pretty severe. So I sent dickbag an email just to let him know my thoughts were with him. I'm a stubborn mule but when it comes to sickness in the immediate family, that pretty much supercedes anything.

I didn't expect a reply, I just wanted him to know that I cared and if he needed to talk I was there for him. To my surprise a short time later I got a very sweet email back from him, he also included a joke at my expense (this is normal) and with that one email the last 5 months of anxiety has finally been put to rest.

No we're not getting back together, everything is not 100% resolved, hell this doesn't even make us friends. Since we have mutual friends I don't want things to be weird, I want to keep things copasetic at the very least and right now it's just a little bit better than that, that's all I really wanted.

He'll never apologize for the mean email, I accepted that a long time ago. I also accepted that he's not a bad person. He has a heart of gold, and the person I care for so deeply is still there, BUT he's fucked up. Fucked up in the head, and no amount of caring on my part, his family or his friends is going to change that. It's all in his head and once he learns to truly love and be secure with himself is when he will genuinely be happy.

Am I still attached to him? Yes, but that will fade with time, it's already started. Soon KISS will just be a band I grew up listening to, and movies like Officespace and Swingers won't make me sad anymore. Those days are coming, and it'll be great to look back at these memories without sadness :)


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